Josh Becker Writer, Director, Author

I was born in a log cabin.  I used a piece of coal to write on a shovel because we were so poor we couldn’t afford a pencil or paper.  I walked ten miles to school every day, barefoot—

—Hey, wait a minute, that’s not my childhood; it’s Abraham Lincoln’s.

I was born in Detroit, Michigan, on August 17, 1958, the day after Madonna was born in Bay City, Michigan.  I grew up around the block from Sam Raimi.  In junior high, Bruce Campbell’s locker was a few down from mine.  Gilda Radner and Chevy Chase went to the same summer camp as me.  And that’s all the name-dropping I can do from my youth.  Sam, Bruce, me, and several other kids, began making Super-8 movies when we were about 14.  Each of the movies got bigger and longer and more complex until, at the precocious age of 21 (Sam was 20), we made Evil Dead (I did lighting and sound, among other things).  A couple of years later I made my first feature film, Thou Shalt Not Kill . . . Except.  Both films were released theatrically, then came out on the brand-new medium of VHS tape.  Evil Dead sold eight trillion copies; my film did respectably, and both films continue to be rereleased every time a new technology appears.

Then, for the next 40 years, Sam, Bruce, and I fought the good fight in Hollywood.  Bruce and I finally wised up and got the hell out of L.A.  Sam has remained for the silly reason that they keep paying him millions of dollars to direct $300 million films.  What a chump.

I have written and directed 9 feature films.  I have also directed a bunch of TV shows, like Xena: Warrior Princess, Hercules, and SyFy Network movies.  I’ve had three books published.  Yet I remain unknown.  My next career move will be dousing myself in gasoline and setting myself on fire, I’m just waiting for gas prices to go down.

No wives, no kids, just an ever-changing cast of cats that keep dying on me every 10 to 20 years no matter how much love and Cat Chow I give them.

Now I’m old and ready to die—

—Hey, who are you?  How did you get in here?  And what’s with the harpoon gun?  What do you mean, “Get in the cellar?”  

Oh, well, gotta run.  I guess I’ll finish this later.